An agreement is a structure for fulfillment. It is not unlike a blueprint for a house. An agreement defines what we want to create in the world. According to the German poet, Goethe: “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.” When one definitely commits we can read as “when one defines the commitment”. The clearer the agreement (the less vague), the more power it has to show up. But you have to show up first! Avoid these common agreement pitfalls:
- Clumsy or vague commitments, e.g. “I should exercise more.” With such a vague agreement as this I can feel discouraged that I am not keeping it literally every minute of the day not spent exercising. But, I have not made a clear agreement! A clearly made agreement has a time, a date, and an observable, specific action (or removal of action as in not eating the cake!). In my vague agreement there is no time or date and I don’t even know what exercise looks like. Now if I say I am going to ride my bike at least five miles starting at 9 AM tomorrow, I have made a clear agreement and it has a better chance of happening. Also, I am not going to spend the rest of today beating myself up for not exercising because I have a clear plan of when it is going to happen next.
- Saying “yes” to everything. When we over commit, we can end up feeling like a big procrastinator as we do everything frantically at the last minute in crisis mode. Also, sometimes by saying “yes” to everything, we can have two agreements push against each other and have to break or change agreements a lot. Life feels saner if we make agreements based on realistic expectations of what we can do. Making clear agreements is not about setting up unreasonable expectations for yourself. It is more about being in integrity with your reality and building/maintaining self trust and inspiring trust in others. When we feel we’ve broken an agreement, we break self trust. We can carry this bag of “failed agreements” around with us and feel like we just add to it every day. Forgive yourself! Probably most of these agreements haven’t even counted as real agreements!
There are three things you can do with an agreement, keep it, change it (where the other person really has the option to say, “No, I want to keep with our original plan.”, or break it. If you break an agreement there is no need for upset or shame for there is a way to clean it up and call it good.
Cleaning up broken agreements. This is how you can get to a clean slate and keep it clean instead of digging an ever deeper pit of broken self-trust.
- Acknowledge the facts. e.g. “I said I was going to meet you for lunch and I flaked.”
- Sincerely apologize, e.g. “I am really sorry I spaced it.”
- Make amends, e.g. “Let’s reschedule and let me buy to make it up.”
- Recommit to the relationship, e.g. “Your friendship is important and I really do intend on respecting your time. I am committed to doing better in the future.”
Please follow the same protocol for agreements you break with your self! Including making amends. A broken agreement does not have to be an occasion for self-abuse. It can be treated as information. Why did the agreement fail? Perhaps it was too vague? Perhaps it was too much? Or perhaps we simply had a bad day? Use the information to craft better and better agreements.
My “Momentum Masters” business coaching groups are designed to maximize self-accountability and, thereby, increase your power to manifest fabulous results with your business and life.